by Erik J. Michaels
When your partner up and decides to call it quits, it can really impact your life. Chances are that if you’re reading this, I probably don’t have to tell you that. I know that things can seem like they’re falling apart, but rest assured that with a little work you CAN pull your life back together and even get your ex back!
The first thing, the most important thing I can tell you, is to not fall into a nonproductive depressive state. Things will never get better with you drowning in buckets of your own tears, so the sooner you change your outlook on things the sooner you’ll be able to do something about it.
Once you’ve found yourself the motivation and determination to rise up and make the choice to make your life better and get your ex back, you’ve won half the battle. Changing your attitude is the first step, and once you have found that will to succeed, everything else is just taking it one step at a time.
Now, chances are this comes a little too late, but when your partner has JUST broken up with you, it’s important not to hound him/her about it. As much as you may want to get back together immediately like nothing happened, bothering your now-ex when he/she is still hurting over the breakup isn’t going to make things any better and actually has a fair chance of making it worse.
Even if that bridge has already been crossed, it’s okay. Likely, too much harm hasn’t been done, and if you back off now and give the two of you some space, you’ll be able to salvage things if you play your cards right. Don’t just spend your time away from your ex idle though, you have some thinking and self-work to do.
I’m not saying that everything that went wrong in the relationship is because of you, and that it’s solely your fault, but statistically speaking it’s usually the one who was broken up with who contributed the most to the breakup. Not always, but most of the time. Don’t worry about your partner’s problems, instead sit down with yourself and figure out what problems you personally were responsible for.
I can’t figure out what the source of your problems is for you, but you really do need to if you’re going to have a chance of getting your ex back. It could be anything or any number of things, from simple frustrating behaviors to more serious relationship issues. Whatever it is, you need to accept that you need to change it, and really DO change it. Stopping the source of your problems is the only way to make them stop happening.
After you’ve done all this and are well on your way to having your problems resolved (I know it’s a long and hard process, self-change is never easy), enough time will likely have passed that you can go ahead and contact your ex again. REMEMBER! Keep it light and simple! An email or phone call seeing how your ex is doing is about as heavy as it needs to be! Being too forward or aggressive will only drive your ex further away.
Feel out how the first contact went, and if it seemed like it went over well it should be safe to continue contact, but keep it light and gradual. If you rush things too fast, you could dig yourself a deeper hole that it’d be hard to crawl out of. Things are pretty delicate at this stage, so just take it slowly piece by piece until you two are comfortable enough to spend a little time together.
Once it’s gotten to a point where you’re spending a fair amount of time together again, make sure that the things you’re doing together are fun things you’ve always enjoyed together and that will bring back memories of how good you were together. With the new and improved you, they’ll probably be even better times than the memories, and your ex should begin to wonder if maybe it was a mistake to leave you.
The odds are in your favor that your ex will decide to give it another try with you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re out of the woods just yet. You can’t just revert back to the original you that your ex broke up with. You have to maintain the changes you’ve made, or else the relationship is headed the same way the first one went…and it may not be so easy to rebuild next time.
The main thing to remember at all times with this proven technique is that you never go “on the offensive.” It’s a gentle, nonthreatening process, and it fails if you start pressuring your ex to get back together. It should ideally be your ex’s idea to get back together, and if you end up having to be the one to bring it up it should already be to a point where it’s surely on your ex’s mind. Just take it slow, and you should have a really good shot to get your life back together and get your ex back.
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